This girl is more easily done than said...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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