I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
