I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
