I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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