i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think people are normalizing furries
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
