Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
