i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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