So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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