Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
