Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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