Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize