Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
