So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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