I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
