Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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