Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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