I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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