so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
