When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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