she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
