I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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