And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize