i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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