hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
