Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
