i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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