I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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