You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Your penis caused this!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize