Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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