After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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