that's an acceptable place to lick
Too much gin, very little bucket
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
