Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize