I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
