Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
