So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
