3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just forgot I was standing up.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
