I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
