i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
