I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
