the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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