What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize