I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
