we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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