defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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