I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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