he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
