tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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