I want to have your abortion
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
