Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
