so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
