They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize