Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
