alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
