My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize