My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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