drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
