Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
