I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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