we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
