Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize