Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize