I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
