Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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