Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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