Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
