Someone shit on the floor
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
