used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
