I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why can't burritos get me drunk
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
