I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
