she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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