evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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