I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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