Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
