dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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