I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize