sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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