You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i love accidental penises.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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