Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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