he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize