In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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