the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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