Soap is not a condiment
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
