Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
