Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
