nut hugger
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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