he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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