A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
