Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
