But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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