youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
