I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it glows. i had to have it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
