He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
