since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
