I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
