she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
