Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
