I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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