Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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