Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
