I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
