I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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