Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
