this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
