I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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