I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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