I just cut my nipple shaving
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
