check it out our google latitudes are spooning
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
