I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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